Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
