I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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