New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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