I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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