Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
