Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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