Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
