You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Vodka?
Forever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
