I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
