around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
