my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
