i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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