His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
