I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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