Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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