marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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