I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
