I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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