Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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