i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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