operation have a gay friend backfired
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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