I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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