flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
