If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
