Only a mothe r could love this liver
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
