I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
