apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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