I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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