Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
