yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
