My sheets look like a crime scene.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
