Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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