i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
