she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
