Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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