remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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