he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
