sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
