the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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