he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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