is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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