i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize