I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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