I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
