i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
