It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
