I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
