I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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