why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
