Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
