we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
