so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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