Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
