my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
