Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
