if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
