Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
