Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
