Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
