If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize