exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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