The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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