Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want a musical about memes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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