I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
