We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
