I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
