I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
