nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
