I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
