the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
