I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
