Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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