so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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