She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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