Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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